FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
