thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?