Texts From Last Night

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  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10842) Bad night (1087)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
  Replies (42) Good night (988) Bad night (6753)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm rooting for #1.

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  (270): possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th. (618): I'm rooting for #1. http://tfl.nu/ip6m
  Replies (37) Good night (4874) Bad night (1892)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.

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  (206): I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/axt4
  Replies (1) Good night (2266) Bad night (830)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

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  (870): I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car. http://tfl.nu/7djn
  Replies (15) Good night (4777) Bad night (1590)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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  (863): I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller. http://tfl.nu/jris
  Replies (11) Good night (1156) Bad night (2182)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.

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  (770): Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire. http://tfl.nu/2u40
  Replies (4) Good night (1193) Bad night (624)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life

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  (425): I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life http://tfl.nu/15hg
  Replies (15) Good night (1658) Bad night (799)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives 

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  (614): His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives  http://tfl.nu/o3zv
  Replies (5) Good night (360) Bad night (981)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.

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  (614): I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD. http://tfl.nu/na70
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (332)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.

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  (416): Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now. http://tfl.nu/rhwt
  Replies (12) Good night (374) Bad night (789)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"

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  (608): You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?" http://tfl.nu/g9qb
  Replies (0) Good night (675) Bad night (395)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?

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  (601): When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema? http://tfl.nu/3tz6
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (300)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward

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  (857): The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward http://tfl.nu/zcnh
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (256)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?

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  (847): On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds? http://tfl.nu/j3eb
  Replies (0) Good night (270) Bad night (469)

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