Texts From Last Night

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  (585): View more from New York

  i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject

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  (585): i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject http://tfl.nu/mz5t
  Replies (8) Good night (732) Bad night (3507)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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  (208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb
  Replies (21) Good night (7974) Bad night (620)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.

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  (978): You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober. http://tfl.nu/95jv
  Replies (13) Good night (3939) Bad night (1068)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5905) Bad night (1074)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

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  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6241) Bad night (1897)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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  (315): I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism. http://tfl.nu/5nmw
  Replies (8) Good night (3597) Bad night (976)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

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  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
  Replies (9) Good night (3527) Bad night (1070)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?

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  (301): do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit? http://tfl.nu/0117
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (587)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course

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  (612): It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course http://tfl.nu/673n
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (391)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.

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  (225): He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it. http://tfl.nu/zsrk
  Replies (1) Good night (896) Bad night (379)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Celebratory bar crawl?

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  (704): Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends. (1-704): Celebratory bar crawl? http://tfl.nu/s5bh
  Replies (1) Good night (1044) Bad night (382)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..

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  (704): All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar.. http://tfl.nu/zfs2
  Replies (5) Good night (762) Bad night (285)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

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  (573): Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room. http://tfl.nu/y8jv
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.

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  (610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly. http://tfl.nu/cjbh
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (238)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..

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  (620): I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life.. http://tfl.nu/aqyo
  Replies (3) Good night (489) Bad night (245)

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