Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
