drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.