I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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