What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
