nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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