I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
