I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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