last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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