i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
