from now on my penis is your penis
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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