we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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