I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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