First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
