Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
