WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
