Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
