I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
