Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
