i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
