i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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