omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
