I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
