In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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