By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
