and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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