If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up under a house in Key West
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
