If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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