Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
