ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
