i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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