your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
