Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
