oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
its liver damage thursday
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
