hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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