I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
