Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
