I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
