no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i will never coherently bang her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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