I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did I show you my penis last night?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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