Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
