Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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