Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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