oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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