there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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