So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
