his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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