we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
