It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
