please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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