So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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