if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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