Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
