girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
