sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
