he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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