The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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