Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
