I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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