You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
