Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
