Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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