My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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