god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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