my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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