I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
