Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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