btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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