smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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