Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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