he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
