did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
