Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
