I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize