some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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