he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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