I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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