We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
