Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
