from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
