I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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