that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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