OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
