Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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