Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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