I haven't been this sober since birth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
