I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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