i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
