She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
