I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The power of my boobs compel you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
