"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
